Most people shudder at the thought of getting feedback. The prospect of having their weaknesses exposed, right out there in the open, stops them dead in their tracks.
Bigstock
But intuitively we know that feedback is good for us. It’s kinda like eating spinach – good for you, but it doesn’t taste good going down.
It’s time to stop freaking out and start facing the facts about feedback.
Face the fact #1: Whether you hear it or not, people are forming judgments about you.
While few people will take the time to compile and share their thoughts, most will be forming opinions about your performance. How clear are you on the impression you make?
Do you come across as someone who knows your stuff? Do people find you easy to relate to? Are you the kind of person that people want on their team?
We all have our blind spots. And while it can be painful to hear about them, at least it gives us a chance to nip them in the bud. Years ago, after a presentation, someone told me that I looked a bit spastic in the way I was moving. Yes, he actually used the word spastic. If ever there was a time that I was hoping to be swallowed by a black hole, it was that time. But you know what? I stopped moving so ‘spastically’ (honestly – could he not find another word?) And thankfully, thousands of people have not had to witness it in the years since.
Face the fact #2: Things that get measured get results.
eBay incorporates a feedback loop so buyers can rank sellers on a 5-star system. Consequently, sellers are motivated to provide superior customer service to continue getting high rankings, which leads to more sales opportunities down the road. The simple act of measuring customer service leads to higher customer service rankings.
The genius is in the simplicity. The more we seek out specific feedback, the better we tend to perform on those specific areas.
Face the fact #3: It doesn’t help to put it off
Once-a-year feedback during your performance review doesn’t cut it. Harvard researchers found that employees who receive regular feedback perform better at work that those who do not. And this effect wasn’t just limited to the ‘way to go’ kind of feedback. It goes for both the positive and not-so-positive feedback.
I am not suggesting that you run around constantly saying “how am I doing?” to people. If you do, you’ll come across as too needy. Instead, you want to selectively invite people to provide you with specific feedback aligned to a few targeted things that you are working on.
Face the fact #4: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
Feedback is a gift. Even if it doesn’t feel like a gift, it is still a gift. Anyone who takes the time to give you feedback is demonstrating that they are willing to invest in you – which takes some effort.
For one, they have to be willing to make time for you in the midst of their own busy life. Secondly, people tend not to want to hurt our feelings. Thirdly, sometimes people need something specific to focus their feedback on.
Someone who overcomes these three big obstacles deserves to be heard.
Face the fact #5: We need to prime the wheel for more feedback
Feedback providers quickly become vested in you. They want to hear how things are working and that their input has made a positive difference for you. Follow-up allows you to demonstrate that you are putting their valuable insights into practice. This can be as simple as a passing comment like “I tried that approach you recommended and it really helped.”
It’s not so freaky after all
No matter what level we are at, we are all doing our best to learn and grow. Feedback is one of the two most essential ingredients in learning. [The other is challenge – but we’ll save that for another article.] The greater the challenge, the more important feedback becomes. And to be honest, the less we should be freaked out about it.
[2] Hattie, J A (2009) Visible Learning: A synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to achievements.
On receiving feedback;
“Feedback is a gift that deserves to be unwrapped slowly.”
It takes courage for another to give you feedback and it can be evidence of their concern for your best interests. Since we only very rarely get to say exactly what we mean to communicate on the first try, there are some things the receiver can do to get the maximum value from feedback.
First, is to make eye contact with the person providing the feedback and make a conscious effort to present an open and welcoming posture that says “I am happy you think enough of me to provide this information and I want to deepen my understanding.”
Expect to find insights from the feedback which will increase your awareness about the impact of your behaviour. Remember that “Awareness Empowers”. We are helpless to change those things about which we have no awareness. (That parsley stuck between your teeth is obvious to everyone but you. The person who helps you become aware of what everyone else knows has given you a gift!)
Manage your natural tendency to justify and explain your behaviour. Later, you can choose what actions to take as a result of the feedback you receive, but for now, the most powerful choice you can make is the choice to understand with depth.
Once you are certain you have carefully unwrapped the feedback to reveal all the value of the gift you have received, it is easy to express your gratitude and your willingness to accept future gifts.